Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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