i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
