i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
