Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
