Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
