someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
