Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
birth control should be required to get into college
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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