I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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