also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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