So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
