Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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