I just made out with a guy for $7.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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