I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
