Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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