Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
