i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
