i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
