I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
