i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
