porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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