I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
