There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
