It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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