your thong is hanging out like whoa
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
