my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
