Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
