So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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