So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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