you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
