I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
