In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
sarcasm needs its own font
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
