You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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