Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
