Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
