Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
