South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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