So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
