he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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