Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
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im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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