Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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