Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
