plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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