I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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