I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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