dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you would pick up someone in the library
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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