Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
