Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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