that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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