You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
