I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just had sex bonerless
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
