Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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