Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
