I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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