Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
