theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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