remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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