I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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