please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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