so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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