Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
is wine microwaveable?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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