3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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