tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
