the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
