wrigley field is MILF paradise
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
