You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
