We won't sleep together?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
