My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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