If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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