how do flat chested girls get laid?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
